WHERE....

I REMEMBER AS A KID BEING ASKED WHERE I SAW MYSELF IN THE FUTURE (5-10YRS) THE THOUGHT OF THINKING SO FAR AHEAD IN MY LIFE PERPLEXED ME. WITH EACH YEAR THAT WENT BY I WAS SO EAGER TO GROW UP AND BECOME SOMETHING STILL UNSURE OF WHAT I WAS ACTUALLY CHASING AND SOON I FELT I HAD FOUND IT. AS EACH YEAR PASSED ON THINGS SLOWLY CHANGED AND BEFORE I WAS EVEN ABLE TO CATCH MY BREATH THE LIFE I HAD KNOWN AS MINE SEEMED TO VANISH. STRANGELY ENOUGH I FOUND MYSELF ASKING THAT QUESTION YET AGAIN.....FEARING MOST EVERY OUTCOME THAT PLAYED IN MY MIND BECAUSE NOW I KNOW HOW LIFE CAN BE OVER IN JUST A BLINK OF AN EYE. IRONICALLY, THE LIFE I HAD STARTED OUT CHASING BEGAN TO CHASE ME. I WILL NOT LIE, I MADE VERY POOR CHOICES. I WENT THROUGH THE MOTIONS, I WAS A VERY ATTENTIVE MOTHER, A LOYAL FRIEND, BUT THE INSIDE OF ME WAS SCREAMING UNCONTROLLABLY FROM FEAR AND HEARTACHE. I HAD WORKED SO HARD TO ACCOMPLISH CERTAIN ASPECTS OF MY LIFE AND NOW I HAD NOTHING. I FOUND MYSELF QUESTIONING HOW CAN GOD JUST LEAVE US HERE? HUNGRY, COLD, LONELY AND SCARED...I REALIZE NOW I WAS BEING SELFISH EXPECTING GOD TO DO ALL THE WORK WHEN I HAD VERY LITTLE FAITH. I PRAYED EVERYDAY FOR HELP....IGNORING HIS GUIDANCE. SO NOW I SIT HERE LOOKING AROUND AT WHAT LIFE HAS BECOME AS I SLOWLY PICK UP THE PIECES AND WONDER HOW MY TESTIMONY COULD HELP SOMEONE IN THE FUTURE....AND WHEN WOULD MY HEART ACTUALLY BE READY TO SHARE MY PAST IN THE HOPES OF SAVING SOME UNSUSPECTING INDIVIDUAL FROM A LONG LONELY ROAD OF SADNESS FROM A WORLD THAT SHOWS NO MERCY.